When I was still in the “having babies” stage of my life, I must have heard a thousand times, “Are you done yet?” The question was always mildly annoying and seemed a bit presumptuous, but I always replied, “I’m not sure, I’ve just always thought that when I was done, I’d know”.
I never had a set number of how many children I wanted. I just had a sense that I’d have babies and when I hit my threshold, I’d know. I’d know that I’d reached that point when I felt that I wouldn’t be able to be the kind of mom I wanted and needed to be.
There are so many variables that come into play when deciding how large or small a family should be. Finances, health, happiness, and logistics are a few, however, the one main variable that was most important to me was whether *I* as a mother could nurture and take care of another child.
When I got pregnant for the 4th time, I was already feeling like I had probably reached what I considered my threshold. I didn’t think that I’d be able to be the kind of mom I’d want to be to more than 4 children, plus, I felt so sick and was so fatigued all the time that I thought it was time to consider having our 4th child and then calling it quits for my baby making days.
When I was about half way through my pregnancy I found out that I wasn’t expecting my fourth child. I was expecting my fourth andfifth child, and not only that, I found out that the pregnancy was considered “extremely” high risk. I was given only a 50% chance that my babies would survive and so I really battled with the question of whether or not our family would be complete after the pregnancy. I knew without doubt that if both babies survived I’d be done, but what if they didn’t survive? Would I still feel that way?
Ultimately, I felt strongly that I could never endure another pregnancy without having a mental breakdown (my pregnancy was THAT stressful). I felt like our family was complete whether we ended up having 3 children or 5 and I felt at peace with the decision call our family “complete”.
My husband was not so sure. I’ll always be thankful that my husband listened to how I felt and with memade the decision to be happy, grateful and FULL with a family filled with five children.
And we have been happy, grateful and full. I’ve never really doubted our decision to stop with 5, and so for me, that’s proof positive that the defining consideration in making this HUGE decision was not whether we could afford more children (although that was something we thought about), or whether I was healthy enough to have more children (I was), but it was how I felt in my heart.
My heart is so FULL now!
I’m curious to know: How and when do you decide your family is complete? Join the conversation and be entered to WIN the designer handbag of your choice (Up to a $500 value) from Essure!
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About Angie
